sui (sui_001) wrote,
sui
sui_001

  • Mood:

BLOODY HELL!

(I thought teen angst ended when u hit late 20's ... grrr)

I doubt i can wallow any further into the mire that has engulfed me. I have drowned and become a floating void of me. this down feeling is making my stomache churn, and i feel _guilt_ at wot? who knows, but it is oppressive and all pervasive.
I have intentionaly not spoken to anyone, nor have i done anything in an attempt to isolate this feeling, but it has fully taken me over. i want to flee my desk, crawl into a small space and cry. i want to listen to loud angstridden music and sob. i want people around me. i want noone around me.
i have a house to goto, but no one will be in it. no one will share it. A tv seems hollow when you can't disscuss the documentries on it, and sitcoms aren't funny alone.
I got myself in this mood and now i find it hard to shake. the edges of my vision are dark and EVERYTHING is dislocated.
maybe i am tired, but i doubt that and suspect i am simply looking for an excuse. i wish the true answer to this complete obsession with loneliness would leave.
am i afraid of something?
how did i become so co dependant.
i know i am a strong individual, but am i truely ?
i am scared. i don't know how to behave or what to do...
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