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BLOODY HELL! 
12th-Mar-2003 03:13 pm
(I thought teen angst ended when u hit late 20's ... grrr)

I doubt i can wallow any further into the mire that has engulfed me. I have drowned and become a floating void of me. this down feeling is making my stomache churn, and i feel _guilt_ at wot? who knows, but it is oppressive and all pervasive.
I have intentionaly not spoken to anyone, nor have i done anything in an attempt to isolate this feeling, but it has fully taken me over. i want to flee my desk, crawl into a small space and cry. i want to listen to loud angstridden music and sob. i want people around me. i want noone around me.
i have a house to goto, but no one will be in it. no one will share it. A tv seems hollow when you can't disscuss the documentries on it, and sitcoms aren't funny alone.
I got myself in this mood and now i find it hard to shake. the edges of my vision are dark and EVERYTHING is dislocated.
maybe i am tired, but i doubt that and suspect i am simply looking for an excuse. i wish the true answer to this complete obsession with loneliness would leave.
am i afraid of something?
how did i become so co dependant.
i know i am a strong individual, but am i truely ?
i am scared. i don't know how to behave or what to do...
Comments 
(Deleted comment)
12th-Mar-2003 02:41 pm (UTC)
ahhh HA! that's the secret... ;)
22nd-Mar-2003 06:16 pm (UTC)
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....
22nd-Mar-2003 10:42 pm (UTC) - Re:
You're mocking me .. right ?
23rd-Mar-2003 01:47 am (UTC)
No, I think mocking you would be incredibly mean. I just said "awww" because I think you had a very sad day. I have them too some times. I have manic depression. Delshir <-- has seen bad days before. :)
23rd-Mar-2003 01:50 am (UTC) - Re:
lucky! otherwise i would have had to stoop to some REALLY negative emotions .. and frankly.. none of us want me to go there... ;)
23rd-Mar-2003 01:58 am (UTC) - Re:
Ooooooooo...noooooooooo..... nooo negative emotionz...
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